Heartbreak Bootcamp is a regular newsletter series with ideas and activities to help apply love to the life moments where you feel completely abysmal for whatever reason.
What do you do when fate deposits you in one of those moments when you truly couldn’t imagine feeling worse? Not those times when you’re dragging a bit, those times when you’re completely wrung dry. Here is a list of my go to’s from a former life where I had one of these moments every three days: have a drink, smoke a cigarette, isolate completely while curling up in a ball, not eat a meal for 48 hours straight while ignoring the feeling of overwhelm completely, eat a cheeseburger on my couch.
Naturally each of these activities varies extremely it its degree of destruction. A glass of wine and a cigarette around the company of friends can be a perfectly relaxing Friday night. A quiet evening alone with your thoughts is exactly the medicine often needed. I’m sure someone, somewhere is gaining enlightenment from a fast though I can’t personally recommend my previous approach to them. Cheeseburgers are great. If there is anything over a decade of clinical anguish taught me is there is an extremely fine line between running towards life and running towards death; between love and destruction. Both begin with a somewhat relieving stillness of spirit. In that moment where life knocks you off your saddle, either by joy or by sorrow, we’re presented with a choice to move towards either.
I would smoke a cigarette because it made me feel less alone in that stillness. I would have a drink because it turned down the volume of that stillness. I would isolate because I did not trust myself around others in that stillness. I would not eat because I thought it might make the stillness go away. I did not know how to choose life so for a brief moment, I chose death (although I still stand by the cheeseburger thing.)
Sometimes we do not know how to heal the wound just yet, so we must bandage it before it bleeds out. We must sit with ourselves in the ways we are currently able. Destruction is a part of life, one we need not seek out but also not worsen through shame. While we owe it to ourselves to minimize our suffering, sometimes all you can manage is to get through it, just wait it out.
I know better days now. I quit smoking. My friends know where I am. I eat three meals a day on the worst days imaginable, even if the meals on those days are chicken finger, chicken finger, chicken finger on a salad. Within you exists a love for yourself that can heal worlds, whether you can sense it or not right now. You are here for you, doing what you know how. Every moment you are pushing your way out of your suffering, clamoring towards love and lightheartedness, I applaud you. If you have not quite made it yet, I promise one day you will push that dial farther than it’s ever gone. If you’re at a loss for ideas on how, here are some that might do it.
The Activities
The One to Make You Feel Better:
Get Messy
Roll down a muddy hill! Paint your bedroom! Sleep with your coworker! Whether you do so figuratively or literally, get a little messy. We spend so much time reigning ourselves into the conveniently organized boxes of a modern life. We all need a little disruption. I often find the peace I’m seeking is on the other side of it. If you’re trying to clean up your life, maybe you need to make a bit of a mess first. Do something a little wild, get your hands dirty. By the end of this paragraph, I have a feeling you’ll already have something in mind. My only stipulation is that it has to be fun. No texting your ex or cliff diving.
The One to Make Feeling Bad Bearable:
Go Somewhere New
It is amazing what staring at a different patch of blue in the sky can do for your perspective. It doesn’t have to be Rio but get out of town for a little. Drive to a different neighborhood. Visit your sister. Book a ticket to Rio if you got the cash! I find my problems bake into the walls if I stare at them long enough. Go stare at a different wall for a while. Maybe the solutions are baked into that one.
Bonus:
Just eat a cheeseburger on your couch and go to bed.
If you’re loving life, eat a cheeseburger to celebrate! If you’re counting down the days, eat a cheeseburger to soothe! No matter what, most of us have the time and space for a cheeseburger and it almost always helps. Grease and a good night’s sleep irons out most wrinkles.